ive been through this before, but this time its real. im committed to this (i mean, 2 weeks is a pretty long time, at least considering my track record).
no, i have not met the man of my dreams, but almost as good. i have officially stopped biting my nails. FOR REAL. im going on 2 weeks now (but whos counting?).
i know i have said this before. the first time i decided to quit was when i was accepted into UVA's business school. i said to myself "emily, you absolutely cannot be a business professional and have your fingers in your mouth." i think that was a legitimate rationalization, and it helped me quit for a little bit. but pretty soon, i was at it again.
i dont know about most people (except my one friend, who you can tell how much stress she is under by how gnawed on her fingers are - love you yin), but i dont bite my nails when im nervous or stressed or scared or whatever. frankly, i bite my nails because i hate having them long. anytime they get long enough to show a little white tip, i cant find nail scissors fast enough to trim that away. i figure its just more efficient to bite.
so back to me quitting. i quit, and relapsed, after getting into business school. i decided to have another go at it this year, as one of my many new years resolutions. i was actually pretty successful at not biting. instead, i trimmed my nails compulsively, so they basically looked the same as when i was biting them. then, this summer, i was studying for the FARE section of the CPA, and all my willpower went to crap. biting was definitely better than budgetary accounting, foreign currency transactions, and consolidated financial statements.
two weeks ago at work i was, once again, inspired to quit. a co-worker had really pretty, but not too long, nails. she said she polished them everyday, and if i did the same, then i would have pretty nails too! im not sure why, but i believed her, and quit right then and there. cold turkey.
i definitely have not polished my nails everyday, but two weeks later, i am still going strong. i have not trimmed my nails to stubs, and have only really felt the urge to bite a few times. im starting to believe that this could be a new me - beautiful, womanly nails.
the only thing is, while i like the new look, it just doesnt seem like me. i didnt have a problem with my short nails, but i was constantly nagged and scolded for the sorry state of my hands. and so, i changed to a more socially acceptable version of me. at first the novelty of being a girl with pretty nails thrilled me, but now i just feel like an impostor. i dont know if i will ever be that girl with nice hands and nails and perfect hair and makeup, and i dont think that i really want to be. (hm... life lesson coming here?)
while i dont think i will go back to biting (fingers in the mouth is gross, i agree), i have a feeling i will be searching for some nail clippers sometime real soon. because no matter hard how you try, there are certain parts of yourself that you dont want to change, even if other people would like you to.
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