This next week marks my last week at home. Starting September 1st (well, not exactly the 1st since that’s the middle of the week, and who wants to move in the middle of the week?), I will be out on my own (well, not exactly on my own, I have a wonderful roommate, but you get what I mean). While I have lived “on my own” before (college!) it feels a little different this time. This time, I will only be 30 minutes from my parents. This time, mom and dad will not be footing the grocery bill (or the gas bill, or the rent for that matter). So instead of feeling like I am going away for a while (like leaving for college felt like), it really feels like I am splitting off from my parents, my home, and… my adolescence. I have to face the facts, and the facts are that I am going to have to be a full adult (instead of the half-real person I have been for the last 4 years).
Normally, I would be super stoked to leave my house at the end of the summer. Don’t get me wrong, I love my parents, but we tend to rub on each other after a while. Under the current circumstances, I’m not such an eager beaver to leave. First, I didn’t live with my parents for a whole month of the summer – which I think makes us less sick of each other. Second, I really enjoy coming come to dinner made and (sometimes) laundry done. Third, its comfortable. I know where everything is around home, I have my routines, haunts, etc.
I think I am just scared becuase, pretty soon, I will be completely cut off and totally out of my comfort zone. I'm afraid that somehow, I will not be able to survive without the support of my parents. Which, OF CORSE I will be able to do (right?).
Today I went to my apartment to move a few pieces of furniture in. It really hit me then, that this place was going to be my home for at least the next year. And when I realized that, I was suprised that I didn't feel much sadness at all. Yes, I am still a little scared about leaving home, but now that feeling is starting to be overcome by one of excitement: I am going to be one of those hip (okay, that's questionable), 20-something-year-olds, living in the heart of the city, exploring, experiencing, and soaking up all the life that pulses through those crowded streets. How could I be sad when I have so much to look forward to? Before, I was focusing too much on the things I would miss about home, and forgetting about all the things I loved about the city and being on my own (and WHY I was moving in the first place).
So as of now, I'm ready, city. Let's do this.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Sunday, August 22, 2010
its only been 2 weeks, but its official
ive been through this before, but this time its real. im committed to this (i mean, 2 weeks is a pretty long time, at least considering my track record).
no, i have not met the man of my dreams, but almost as good. i have officially stopped biting my nails. FOR REAL. im going on 2 weeks now (but whos counting?).
i know i have said this before. the first time i decided to quit was when i was accepted into UVA's business school. i said to myself "emily, you absolutely cannot be a business professional and have your fingers in your mouth." i think that was a legitimate rationalization, and it helped me quit for a little bit. but pretty soon, i was at it again.
i dont know about most people (except my one friend, who you can tell how much stress she is under by how gnawed on her fingers are - love you yin), but i dont bite my nails when im nervous or stressed or scared or whatever. frankly, i bite my nails because i hate having them long. anytime they get long enough to show a little white tip, i cant find nail scissors fast enough to trim that away. i figure its just more efficient to bite.
so back to me quitting. i quit, and relapsed, after getting into business school. i decided to have another go at it this year, as one of my many new years resolutions. i was actually pretty successful at not biting. instead, i trimmed my nails compulsively, so they basically looked the same as when i was biting them. then, this summer, i was studying for the FARE section of the CPA, and all my willpower went to crap. biting was definitely better than budgetary accounting, foreign currency transactions, and consolidated financial statements.
two weeks ago at work i was, once again, inspired to quit. a co-worker had really pretty, but not too long, nails. she said she polished them everyday, and if i did the same, then i would have pretty nails too! im not sure why, but i believed her, and quit right then and there. cold turkey.
i definitely have not polished my nails everyday, but two weeks later, i am still going strong. i have not trimmed my nails to stubs, and have only really felt the urge to bite a few times. im starting to believe that this could be a new me - beautiful, womanly nails.
the only thing is, while i like the new look, it just doesnt seem like me. i didnt have a problem with my short nails, but i was constantly nagged and scolded for the sorry state of my hands. and so, i changed to a more socially acceptable version of me. at first the novelty of being a girl with pretty nails thrilled me, but now i just feel like an impostor. i dont know if i will ever be that girl with nice hands and nails and perfect hair and makeup, and i dont think that i really want to be. (hm... life lesson coming here?)
while i dont think i will go back to biting (fingers in the mouth is gross, i agree), i have a feeling i will be searching for some nail clippers sometime real soon. because no matter hard how you try, there are certain parts of yourself that you dont want to change, even if other people would like you to.
no, i have not met the man of my dreams, but almost as good. i have officially stopped biting my nails. FOR REAL. im going on 2 weeks now (but whos counting?).
i know i have said this before. the first time i decided to quit was when i was accepted into UVA's business school. i said to myself "emily, you absolutely cannot be a business professional and have your fingers in your mouth." i think that was a legitimate rationalization, and it helped me quit for a little bit. but pretty soon, i was at it again.
i dont know about most people (except my one friend, who you can tell how much stress she is under by how gnawed on her fingers are - love you yin), but i dont bite my nails when im nervous or stressed or scared or whatever. frankly, i bite my nails because i hate having them long. anytime they get long enough to show a little white tip, i cant find nail scissors fast enough to trim that away. i figure its just more efficient to bite.
so back to me quitting. i quit, and relapsed, after getting into business school. i decided to have another go at it this year, as one of my many new years resolutions. i was actually pretty successful at not biting. instead, i trimmed my nails compulsively, so they basically looked the same as when i was biting them. then, this summer, i was studying for the FARE section of the CPA, and all my willpower went to crap. biting was definitely better than budgetary accounting, foreign currency transactions, and consolidated financial statements.
two weeks ago at work i was, once again, inspired to quit. a co-worker had really pretty, but not too long, nails. she said she polished them everyday, and if i did the same, then i would have pretty nails too! im not sure why, but i believed her, and quit right then and there. cold turkey.
i definitely have not polished my nails everyday, but two weeks later, i am still going strong. i have not trimmed my nails to stubs, and have only really felt the urge to bite a few times. im starting to believe that this could be a new me - beautiful, womanly nails.
the only thing is, while i like the new look, it just doesnt seem like me. i didnt have a problem with my short nails, but i was constantly nagged and scolded for the sorry state of my hands. and so, i changed to a more socially acceptable version of me. at first the novelty of being a girl with pretty nails thrilled me, but now i just feel like an impostor. i dont know if i will ever be that girl with nice hands and nails and perfect hair and makeup, and i dont think that i really want to be. (hm... life lesson coming here?)
while i dont think i will go back to biting (fingers in the mouth is gross, i agree), i have a feeling i will be searching for some nail clippers sometime real soon. because no matter hard how you try, there are certain parts of yourself that you dont want to change, even if other people would like you to.
Friday, August 20, 2010
clarification
i think, if this blog were a business, my first post would be the vision statement. a little vague and a lot idealistic. so, i think i should clarify myself a little bit.
first, about me: i graduated from the university of virginia in may, with a degree in commerce (our schools prestigious name for business) and concentrations in accounting and information technology (yea, huge nerd alert) i spent the summer studying for my CPA exam (not cool) and hanging out with my grandma (actually so cool, don't judge). i started work at a big 4 accounting firm at the beginning of august, and will be moving into DC in september.
i like running, baking (sweets, that is), cooking (mostly as a sous chef), elephants, wine, pilates, fashion (especially shoes), singing, and, recently, crossword puzzles. oh, and of course, financial statements.
i dont like ketchup, cold weather, and pets.
and, about the blog: i plan to use this blog as part documentation, part venting outlet, part soul search. i dont really have a concrete plan yet, but im sure i will figure something out. maybe.
TGIF.
first, about me: i graduated from the university of virginia in may, with a degree in commerce (our schools prestigious name for business) and concentrations in accounting and information technology (yea, huge nerd alert) i spent the summer studying for my CPA exam (not cool) and hanging out with my grandma (actually so cool, don't judge). i started work at a big 4 accounting firm at the beginning of august, and will be moving into DC in september.
i like running, baking (sweets, that is), cooking (mostly as a sous chef), elephants, wine, pilates, fashion (especially shoes), singing, and, recently, crossword puzzles. oh, and of course, financial statements.
i dont like ketchup, cold weather, and pets.
and, about the blog: i plan to use this blog as part documentation, part venting outlet, part soul search. i dont really have a concrete plan yet, but im sure i will figure something out. maybe.
TGIF.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
hello world. this is me...
hello world. this is me...
a recent college grad, i now face the real world. like so many others i am excited of the prospects of a new city, new apartment, new job, new money, etc. but also scared shitless.
up until now, things have been pretty planned out, there always was the next goal - get into college, pass your exams, be accepted into your program of study, earn your degree, get a high paying job. now what? ive done all that, and find myself wondering "where do i go from here?" i find myself (already) wanting more than just a 9-5 distraction.
i dont really know what i expect of this blog, or what it will turn out to be. what i do know is, as a chinese proverb states, "the reward is in the journey."
bon voyage!
a recent college grad, i now face the real world. like so many others i am excited of the prospects of a new city, new apartment, new job, new money, etc. but also scared shitless.
up until now, things have been pretty planned out, there always was the next goal - get into college, pass your exams, be accepted into your program of study, earn your degree, get a high paying job. now what? ive done all that, and find myself wondering "where do i go from here?" i find myself (already) wanting more than just a 9-5 distraction.
i dont really know what i expect of this blog, or what it will turn out to be. what i do know is, as a chinese proverb states, "the reward is in the journey."
bon voyage!
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)